"An agnostic believes that there is no god," Albert tells his two younger listeners.
"I don't understand that," Sam responds. "How could someone believe that there is no god?"
"I don't know," Albert says, "but there are those people out there."
"You know that movie, Ghost?" Alejandro chimes in. "That's exactly what it's like, man. That's the sh*t that happens when you die."
"Now, how do you know that?" Albert asks.
"Because, bro. It's about love. Love is forever."
We are all sitting around one of the back offices on a slow afternoon at the dealership. Sam is a young black man who was hired as a salesman after me. I have tried to teach him what little I know about how the system works, as no one talks to you much when you are new. I think he appreciates me for doing that.
At 18, Alejandro is the youngest employee at the dealership. Most of his family still lives in Mexico, and he makes regular trips to see them each month. Alejandro is sneaky but not really that slick. He exaggerates or outright lies all the time- to the point where I just stare at him when he says something completely incredulous. He does not seem to care, though. He still acts like I believe him.
Alejandro irritated me a couple of weeks ago when I sold a car to a customer, but then he claimed the sale was his. He blew up in front of my manager and threatened to quit. The manager gave him credit for the sale to keep him on board at the dealership. Everyday, now, when I see Alejandro, I stare him straight in the face first thing. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he and I both know the truth about what he did.
Albert is also a bit of a shady character, but I have more sympathy for him because he is becoming an old man and I can tell he is just struggling to get by. Someone has been stealing food from the refrigerator where all the salesmen keep their lunches, and everyone knows it is Albert.
Albert is also one of the older guys who has more difficulty standing up all day like the salesman are expected to do. He often sits in one of the display cars parked on the sidewalk outside the dealership. Albert is aware that everyone knows he is stealing. One day, I discovered that a sandwich I bought from Quiznos and put in the refrigerator for my dinner was gone. This angered me a little, and I said a few choice words to the other salesman in the break room about it, but then I let it go. Later that night, though, I needed to ask Albert a question about a car he had sold. I found him sitting in the back seat of one of the display vehicles. He saw me coming toward him, and when I opened the door so that I could speak, he looked away from me and feebly threw up his hands in defense, like he thought I was going to hit him.
At that moment, he looked like a pitiful old man, alone in this world with no one to protect him, with no one he could trust. It surprised me and hurt my feelings a bit, too, that he actually thought I would hit him.
After that incident, he and I become better friends, though I can not afford to be paying for his meals as well as mine. I stop putting my food in the refrigerator and keep it in my backpack instead, until I am ready to eat it.
Santiago comes into the room with the four of us others. He listens to Alejandro talking about the movie Ghost, the afterlife, and love.
"That's the way it is between me and my girlfriend, bro," Alejandro continues.
"Your girlfriend loves you?" Santiago asks.
Alejandro looks at Santiago, wary of him.
"When is the last time you took her out to dinner?" Santiago asks.
"I don't need to take her out," Alejandro says. "She loves me for who I am."
Santiago laughs. "As ugly as you are, you better take her to dinner or buy her a present soon, or she won't be your girlfriend for long."
"It's not about the money, bro."
"It's always about the money," Santiago says. "You can have a girlfriend and take her for a walk in the park one day. Walks in the park are free. That is fine. You can even ask her to go for a walk with you in the park again the next day. It is still free. But if you ask her to go for a walk in the park with you for a third time, that day, you better buy her a Coke."
Alejandro does not know what to say. Santiago reaches into his pocket, mumbling something and breathing heavily. He pulls out a thick wad of bills. He takes one of the bills, a $100, licks it and sticks it to his forehead.
"Now the women will all say, 'See how handsome I am.'"
We all laugh.
Santiago points at us before he walks out, "The only love that is not about money, the only love that is unconditional, is between a parent and their child."
We look at each other after Santiago leaves.
"That old f*cker is crazy," Alejandro says.
Sam is more interested in getting back to this concept of an agnostic. I have never heard Sam swear or seen him lose his temper, and I am guessing he is deeply religious. He has lived in Las Vegas most of his life, but he has never been to a Vegas show and rarely goes to the strip. He is a gentle fellow with simple interests. The other day, he told me a great story of how last year he saw Pat Morita ("Mr. Miyagi" from The Karate Kid) in a Las Vegas grocery store. Sam went up to him and had a nice conversation. Just a few weeks later, Pat Morita died in Las Vegas at the age of 73 from kidney failure. Sam was so glad that he got to meet and speak to "Mr. Miyagi" before he passed.
"So what is the difference between an atheist and an agnostic?" he asks Albert.
"They are both the same thing," Albert says. "They both do not believe in god."
Religious issues still burn too hot inside me to stay quiet for this.
"No, no. That's not right, guys." I say. "Atheists actively believe there is no god. An agnostic just says 'I don't know.' Maybe there is a god, maybe there is not."
Albert stares at me in a curious way, like I have suddenly become the teacher.
Sam asks, "Where did you learn that?"
"I had to look it up when figuring out what to call myself," I answer. "I'm an agnostic."
The three fellows regard me in stunned silence for a moment, and I realize that I am quite possibly the first agnostic they have ever met.
Sam is the most bewildered. "Wait. Didn't you say that your father was a preacher?"
"You are correct."
"Does he know that you are an agnostic?"
"I believe so, yes."
"Whoa-ho. Man!" Sam exclaims.
Albert comes to my defense, even though I really do not mind talking about this. Perhaps Albert can now see how worked up I might get on the subject. I have been told that my face gets red sometimes, even when I think I am pretty calm.
"Guys, you are getting into deeply personal matters, now. Those are very personal questions you are asking him, Sam."
To break the way that the conversation is going, Albert stands up and walks back out on the sales floor and then outside. Alejandro and Sam, perhaps a little uncomfortable with me, now, decide to follow him out.
I stand alone in the room for a few moments, thinking about whether or not I should have told them my religious views, before I head back out myself.
The sun is setting outside. It is my favorite time of day in the desert, though I really enjoy the desert at any time of the day or night, the same as I enjoy Las Vegas at any time of the day or night.
We take our positions in front of empty parking spaces and wait for the customers to come. Sam is beside me. He looks at me for a few moments and shakes his head. He is smiling at the same time, though.
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